Upcoming Review! CSN Stores!

As many of you know, I adore CSN Stores! They have over 200 stores, so there is definitely something for everybody and chances are, you will find what you are looking for one one of their sites.

When I was contacted by CSN to do another product review, I couldn't say NO! How can I? I am going to keep it as a surprise on what product I am going to review but as I was browsing around on their sites, I came across some cool items. Did you know that they sell everything from kitchen appliances or even a bathroom sink

Check out this super cool sink:




Stay tuned, I can't wait to share a great product review!







disclaimer: CSN stores has provided me with a gift certificate to post an upcoming review of one of their products. That will not hinder my ability to be straight forward and honest with my review.

Blogger Custom Design or whatever...

As you can obviously see, I tried out the Blogger Custom Design and screwed up my blog. BOO!!!! Don't like this! LOL. Now I have to play around with this and figure out how to fix this! Be patient!

Canyon Bakehouse Gluten Free Breads Review

I have had some pretty rotten gluten free breads or the ones that are yummy tasting are ridiculously priced.

I was sent some breads from Colorado's Canyon Bakehouse to sample and review and boy oh boy, they didn't play around when it came to trying out there products. I received a large box full of their products.

1 loaf of the San Juan 7 Grain bread
1 loaf of the Mountain White bread
1 loaf of the Cinnamon Raising bread


A package of their Rosemary Focaccia


A four pack of the Cranberry Crunch Muffins


And last but certainly not least, their newly launched whole grain hamburger buns


First thing my daughter and I did? Crack open the muffins. Holy moly these are out of this world!!!! They are moist, sweet (just enough sweetness, not overly at all!), plenty of cranberries and a wonderful crunch. Some of the issues I have had with gluten free muffins is that they are gummy. Yuck. Canyon Bakehouse's muffins definitely do not have a gummy texture. The texture is perfect and the amount of crunch was wonderful! I love the little poppy and pumkin seeds. My picky child loved them too! I heated mine up and spread a bit of Irish butter on it. Yum!



After that, of course, we put our bread in the freezer to maintain their quality. After all, no preservatives!

Yesterday afternoon we had sandwiches for lunch after a trip to our local Trader Joe's. So, we decided to break out with the Mountain White. Emma had a Almond Butter and Apricot Preserves Sammy and I used the Rosemary Apricot Chicken Salad I bought from TJ's.

Emma gave me a thumbs up from her sandwich and I dug in to mine. Oh my goodness! If I didn't know better I would never have thought these were gluten free! No dryness, no crumbles, and flexible! And the taste was lovely! Very muted and a low key flavor and very yummy! Especially after nuking the frozen slices, they taste fresh baked! The slices were just the right size and held up quite nicely for a chicken salad sandwich!



Last one we tried was the whole grain hamburger buns. I decided to have my sister over (non-gluten intolerant) for bison burgers and sweet potato fries. Wow. Between my sister, Emma and I, not a word was said as we happily munched away on our burgers. As you can see from the photo, the size was perfect for the burger. The thickness was perfect (I don't like thin burger buns) and the grains were very obvious!




The taste was outstanding. The texture was like every day whole wheat burger buns, flexibly and tasty!


I still need to try the Rosemary & Thyme Focaccia, San Juan 7-Grain and the Cinnamon Raisin, but I can already tell I will not be disappointed.

Head on over to Canyon Bakehouse's website, read the story behind their decision to create gluten free goods (Josh(one of the owners) wife is a celiac), and see if they are in a store near you and if they aren't, you can order online and I also suggest speaking up to your local health food grocer and ask them to carry their line! Their products are fantastic!



Disclaimer: Thank you to Canyon Bakehouse for providing their products for review. Although these items are complimentary, it didn't affect my ability to give a fair and honest review. I was not given any monetary compensation, just some breads!

Latest Doctor's Appointment

Doctors, doctors and more doctors. I guess I really shouldn't complain. Emma is doing great and her follow ups with all her specialists are getting further apart. Still though. I feel whiney. I am allowed to whine, right? Some days I can whine and make it all about me, can't I? Does it mean I am being selfish? Yes. However it helps. It's healing to sit on the pity pot from time to time. I have learned this over the years of trying to heal since Emma's injury.

Alright, so we had Emma's follow up with her neurosurgeon on Friday. It was a good appointment. Ok. Well, Emma wasn't behaving in her typical fashion but she is like that at every doctor's appointment (kid with a brain injury who has been traumatized, it's understandable why she is so high strung). She loves Dr. Shafron, gives him hugs as long as she doesn't see the doctor in the OFFICE. It's quite funny. Understandable but funny. Good news is that her shunt looks good, she has plenty of extra tubing so no need to operate on that part anytime soon. So yay! He doesn't know if she really needs it anymore at this point but it's definitely NOT worth the risk to put her under to remove it to either a) find she still has the hydrocephalus b) risk infection and c.) it ain't broke, don't fix it. It's not infected, it has never malfunctioned (knock on wood), so let's leave it be. It's always a relief when her appointments go off with out a hitch. Yay! He is pleased with how her head looks after her cranioplasty last year! Yay! Emma has a whole head! Hooray! When the doc says everything looks great, he can't be any happier and is impressed with all the progress she is making, I can exhale. Which has me thinking, I am always impressed with how great she is doing. I can only imagine how the doctors react when they see her! I mean, my goodness, when Dr Zimmerman (the ER doc who is now a Forensic pediatrician) saw Emma she was unresponsive and without a good prognosis, she was stabilized and sent to the neurosurgeon, Dr. Shafron, who saw a gravely injured baby, performed emergency brain surgery, saved her life and has had the opportunity to see her grow and accomplish things many of us never expected because of the work each and every doctor she had at Phoenix Children's. From the decisions made in the ER to the choices made in neurosurgery to each and every move made in the PICU to the therapies and the medicine in neuro rehabilitation, every move gave me the child I have today. Albeit a very boisterous, intuitive, high energy, and frustrating child, but she's mine. My daughter. My baby. My heart and soul and she is a great girl.

Wow. That was a tangent. I get like this. Especially this time of the year. Whenever she sees her doctors, I get grounded on the fact that Emma has a brain injury. It's not like I don't know it any other day but I grounded to the fact. I am also looking at the calendar and in one month and 10 days it will be six years since the day Emma's life was taken from her, to the day that she died and was reborn, to the day she was permanently shattered, to the day my heart was broken forever, the day I was torn to pieces as I was helpless to protect my child, the day I learned child abuse doesn't just happen to the people you read about, we became THOSE people, and we have healed.

Also, April 3, my daughter Angelique would have been 9 years old. I think about her and how tiny she was. 14.6 ounces and 13 inches long. Tiny, beautiful and fully formed and born at 23 weeks. She had cysts on her brain and cysts in her kidneys. I had her autopsied and she was found to have diffused renal multicystic dysplasia. We thought Polycystic Kidney disease, like my first born, but polycystic kidneys have a 1 in 4 recurrence rate because it's a recessive gene and the cysts are uniform, meaning the same size, but multicystic dysplasia is much more rare and the cysts are not the same size. My first born was born September 18, 2000, sweet Alanna, and she was born at 32 weeks from polycystic kidney disease and due to the size of her kidneys her lungs and heart were to small and she died from a respiratory arrest. She was 4 lbs 6 ounces and 17 inches long. She had a potter's face, meaning her nose was smashed and her ears were low set and floppy. She didn't have a chance of survival and it was already arranged for when she was born to have no resusitation attempts. Then came my sweet beautiful Emma. She was 8 lbs 6 ounces (I just noticed my girls seem to have a 6 at the end of their weights!) and 19 inches long. Just a beautiful, beautiful baby. And a good one. So quiet and so wonderful. Sigh. I miss the baby smells, the baby snores, and the pathetic but sweet baby whimpers. Now that she's six she likes to yell at me and give me tons of 'tude.

She still lets me kiss her. I hope that lasts a little longer than other kids. She is so sweet. I feel naive when I say, I hope her sweetness and loving nature never goes away.

Wow. Went off on another wordy tangent, huh? I would post photos of myself and my first two girls but I don't want to shock anybody because they are deceased in the photos. :(

Oh yeah! Dr. Shafron is having a meeting with the medical director of AP/IPA insurance. They are denying kids for botox. They want the kids to try other, and costly, medications before approving botox. The problem with the other meds is they are systemic which isn't good for kids who are a hemi (like Emma, one side is affected) and have behavioral problems (once again, Emma). So, we hope that at this meeting AP/IPA can listen to the facts and allow our children the botox. Emma needs it badly in her left arm, well primarily her wrist. It's getting very atrophied and she is so sensitive to touch that we aren't able to get much accomplished. Obviously I can touch her left arm but that doesn't help at school or in therapies. I have a lot of faith that the medical director will listen to fact and reason. It would cost much more to put a child like Emma on baclofen. Th ecost of the meds, more doctors appointments, more costly to the school district, more therapies, etc to help offset the problems it will cause. Doesn't make sense to increase problems, does it?

Review: Hamilton Beach Handheld Mixer from CSN Stores

I was given a fantastic opportunity from CSN Stores to review a product and I chose the Hamilton Beach handheld mixer. I needed a mixer very desperately after my last one broke in the middle of mixing a cake. I was sad because #1 it was garbage and #2 I had mix BY HAND! Yuck!



I thought this one seemed like a good fit for me as it has the snap on case that holds the attachments (the two beaters and I loved the WHISK!) and you can easily tuck away the cord and keep everything all nice and tidy without losing the pieces! The shipping was lightening fast, fast shipping creates a happy customer!

I decided to test this new mixer out with a new recipe, Gluten Free Crepes. I used the whisk attachment and on the lowest speed setting, the speed was there and you can definitely feel the power of the mixer and that tells me, the next time I bake a cake, this bad boy isn't falling apart! Definitely check out the CSN store websites!. Highly recommended! A huge thank you to CSN for the review opportunity!

Now on to the crepes.

What a freaking disaster! Seriously! I used to make the classic version and have never had an issue but now I need to have them gluten free thus attempting to make a gluten free version. I know this is going to take some tweaking and getting used to but wowza! This, I believe, is my worst cooking disaster to date! I planned to make a pomegranate cream cheese sauce with this, but glad I didn't waste making it. Well, I might still as I purchased some of Bob's Red Mill mixes at Sprout's at 25% off and will make gluten free pancakes in the morning.


Here's the recipe and the disastrous photos:

Ingredients:
2/3 cup milk (I used rice milk)
1/3 cup cornstarch
1 egg
2 teaspoons olive oil or melted butter (I used Olive oil)
pinch of salt

Directions:

1.Mix all ingredients until very well blended.

2.Spritz a pan (small, nonstick) with olive oil (I used butter). Preheat the pan over medium-high heat.

3.Pour 2 Tablespoons of batter into the pan while swirling the pan.

4.Continue to swirl the pan – OFF the heat! – until the batter begins to bubble and there is no longer excess batter to swirl.

5.Cook for 20-40 seconds (the first crepe takes the longest… this time is for the quicker crepes) or until steam is puffing out the sides.

6.Quickly and with some care, flip the crepe and cook and additional 15-20 seconds.

7.Continue until all the batter is used. (Depending upon your pan, you may not have to spritz it with oil between crepes.)

Bust. Enjoy the photos:




Ugly #1


Ugly #2


And the least ugly of them all:


Hope you get a kick out of this disaster as much as I did!

disclaimer: CSN provided me with a product to review however they did not pay me. My opinion is mine and mine alone.

So proud!

St Joseph's Hospital in Phoenix Arizona is well known for being a leader in the field of neurological disorders, injuries, etc with thanks to Barrow Neurological Institute. My opinion however, is not as praising. I adore Phoenix Children's Hospital. I will ALWAYS have a huge place in my heart because without the doctors, nurses, and staff, Emma would not be alive today. Now, due to insurance and I am sure, convenience to the Rehab Services clinic, Emma's imaging studies are done at St. Joe's. Not a fan. Frankly, neither is my daughter. Last month she had an ABR test (An Auditory Brain Stem Response test, which came back NORMAL, thank the gods!) under sedation. She was, understandbly upset. She despises the mask, the way she feels afterward and feels like I betrayed her. She is starting to get to where she shakes when she gets to the hospital and starts getting extremely anxious. Her parting words the last time, slurred from the after effects of the sedation, were "I HATE that hospital". Honestly, I can't blame her. I do too.

The last time she had a CT scan there (routine, not when she has come by the ambulance after a surgery), the CT techs were rushed and didn't really want to try. The copped out and she had to go under sedation. I was pissed. I know she can lay still. Well, on Wednesday of this past week, she needed another routine CT Scan and Shunt series (to look at her shunt that is on her brain and goes to her stomach to keep the fluid off of her brain) and I told the nurse and techs that I demand they give her the extra time she needs to feel comfortable and not rush her. If that means SCHEDULING her longer than 20 minutes, SO BE IT. I promised Emma she will not see the doctor with the gas mask. And I held up my promise and I am so so so proud of her! She did need extra time to get on the CT Scanner. The tech was AWESOME and allowed her to play with the buttons and move table. She put her doll through the scanner and even me too! She was such a big girl and laid so still and didn't cry! I wanted to cry just out of seeing her being such a big girl! She was so proud of herself, rightly so! and walked around telling everybody she "Is a Good Job!". Then she got her Xrays and saw her skeleton and was so excited! Heck, I was so excited to see it. I haven't seen her skull since surgery and it's beautiful. I am so beyond proud of my sweet, beautiful daughter.

She is amazing! Each and every day she amazes me with her spunk, spark and happiness! I told the tech, Emma isn't stupid and oblivious, speak to her and explain to HER what we are doing. Do not talk over my daughter. It will make her upset.

Le sigh. She is growing up. I am getting old. She is getting to where she doesn't want to hold my hand anymore. Thankfully she still loves hugs and kisses and saying I love you. I cherish each day. Each hug. Each kiss. Each I Love You. and Each moment.

Absolutely, positively beyond...

My daughter is nearing her seventh birthday. Huge!!! However, out of all the years of parenting her, I am at my peak of frustrationg. I never had those sleepless nights or frustration that I have now. Maybe I am expecting too much from her but jeez-Louise, help me help me help whatever deities are out there! She is at the stage of not wanting to listen, she is very vocal and very intuitive, and she is not potty trained. I sat down last night and cried for two hours. I am about ready to start crying again. I feel like maybe this is ME. My inability to parent. Maybe I am not meant to be a mother? Why in the world is my child who is very smart but is nearly 7 still not potty trained? I have been trying for nearly 5 years to get her potty trained! What am I doing wrong? I am wondering if there is something deeper going on with her. Two days in a row she has gone number two and it's all over the place. She either can't feel this or she doesn't care. She is on a potty schedule, she gets praised, rewarded and all the things we are told to do but not working! She RARELY voids on the potty! I know that potty training is one of the hardest things to do but nearly FIVE years and we are doing no better now than it was five years ago.

Blah. I just need to vent. Maybe I need a glass of Chocovine after Emma's asleep tonight. Watch a movie. Bawl. Whatever. Poo.

Oh and off to yell at the Children's Rehab Services Referrals person for scheduling my daughter's CT with SEDATION WITHOUT consulting me. This pisses me off. The nurse knows I don't want her sedated and if I can't make head way with referrals, then I will call the nurse. The nurse who works in the neurosurgeon and physical rehab department is wonderful and will help me. ALSO, I left several messages with radiology and with referrals without a return call as I have been trying to get this scheduled because I need to be able to request time off with enough notice to my supervisor. I work in Radiology myself. I know protocols and so on but honestly, if you are in Phoenix and need medical care for your child, don't use St. Joseph's Hospital. They really really really suck. The last time she had CT imaging there, the techs were just asses and pretty much refused to really TRY taking her images. Then said "Whoops! Already radiated her three times, send her to the ER and let them sedate her!" So every time it turns in to a flipping debacle. EVERY FLIPPING TIME. The issue is that that hospital is not dedicated to children so the techs aren't dedicated to any one department. The last time we had a CT for her, she was willing and ready but they pulled the bed through the gantry while she was answering me when I was explaining that she has to hold still. Three times they did that. However, I guess this boils down to an insurance issue as to why we have to go to that piece of shit hospital. I like the doctors we see at the CRS clinic but St. Joe's flat out SUCKS. Skip the bullshit and take your child to Phoenix Children's Hospital. They rock. Except when we were there the last time for her surgery, I thought General Pediatrics looked ghetto and dirty. Big difference in 5 years time. Medical care was great. Had a nurse though on the General Peds floor that only wanted to talking about becoming a Nurse Practitioner while Emma was vomiting from pain from her vein blowing out. Oh and the secretaries were a little pissy. But much better than St. Joe's. Maybe I am just in a bad mood and just want to complain. Boooo!

It's been a bad week.

My stomach is killing me every day. My hips hurt. My back hurts. I am fatigued. I am depressed. I am irritable. My blood work is coming up normal. No h. pylori. No signs of infection. My imaging studies are all normal. Boo. My doctor. No. Change that. My doctor sucks. The PA that works with my doctor thinks I need to go gluten free. I have been working on limiting the gluten in our diet for Emma and already don't use cow's milk, rather we drink Almond, Rice or Coconut milk (not the kind you cook with!). So, I am ridding my cabinets of all items that contain gluten. I need to get wheat/gluten free soy sauce. I can't imagine life without soy sauce. Good thing I love rice and all kinds of Asian food (I make most of ours! big pat on my own back!) and not a huge Italian food fan, huh?

Ok. I am done bitching.

Upcoming review!

I am super excited about my upcoming review for a product from CSN Stores. I am definitely pleasantly surprised at the diverse selection of products that CSN carries! I was already aware of their furniture and office supplies, they carry everything from corner tv stands to cookware to children's items! I didn't realize that they actually are a group of over 200 stores! Holy cow! How cool is that?

I decided that I want to review a hand mixer and I picked this Hamilton Beach hand mixer with clip on case. I am super excited especially since the last one I owned was so cheap it broke in the middle of mixing a cake! Hopefully this one goes above and beyond and does what I need it to do!




So keep your eyes peeled and I will give you all my feedback!

Pivotal, Inaugural, and IMPORTANT!!!

This morning Emma and I had the honor of being amongst many wonderful people this morning at the Phoenix Zoo. Why was this an honor? It was the FIRST ANNUAL CHILDREN'S MARCH AGAINST CHILD ABUSE for Phoenix Children's Hospital. The turnout was phenomonal and I can't wait for many more marches to come. The entire month of April is Child Abuse Awareness Month. Please make a promise, any promise for Child Abuse Prevention. What promise will you make? I promise to continue reminding all people that it's NEVER ok to shake a baby. NEVER.

It was a glorious morning, a little chilly at first, but as the sun rose it turned into quite a fantastic morning for such an event and then we spent the day enjoying the Zoo.

The first photo is from the press conference on March 3 at Phoenix Children's Hospital and the second is from this morning!

Happy New Year's!!!

My goodness, another year has passed. Not only that, we have passed a full decade in to the Millennium. How many of you remember the Y2K fears? I do. I remember December 31, 1999 going to downtown Tempe for the Fiesta Bowl Block Party and if I remember correctly, University of Nebraska was playing at the Fiesta Bowl. I also remember it being the first New Year's in which I could legally drink alcohol but my friends weren't quite there yet. We went down to wait for the clock to hit midnight and welcome the insanity that was to happen at that point. Pop! Boom! Fizz... seriously? That's it? Oh well, it's always exciting to wonder about the unknown. I guess that's why I like dystopian, speculative, paranormal, urban fantasies, scifi, fantasy and mysteries sooo much. Ahh, though, to be young and 21 again..

As I am sitting at home, running a fever due to a stomach virus I caught from my daughter, I am looking back over the last decade. CRAZY! I can not believe how much two people have been able to take and survive! Looking back... I see life, death, births, happiness, heartache, disappointments, goals, let downs, child abuse, trials, heart attacks, cancer, job losses, job gains, losses again, finding old friends, making new friends, family, homelessness, recovery, Iraq war, and this list can go on. These things listed have been happening in my personal life (whether to me personally or my family) but some didn't survive (my first two daughters didn't survive long after their births and my mother lost her life to cancer) but the rest of us did. We haven't come out of this first part of 2000s unscathed but I refuse to let the last 10 years dictate the next 10 of my life. I am turning 32 in 10 days and am not getting younger.

I like New Year's Resolutions. They are goals that you write and hope to keep. They are a positive motivator to want to better ourselves.

10 years and how about 10 resolutions???

1. Being more stable with employment, education and health. No gaps.

2. Work on my patience levels.

3. Be a kinder person.

4. Lead a healthier lifestyle- eat healthier, exercise more, phase out caffeine completely, go to my doctor for a healthy lifestyle plan, staying positive being a BETTER FRIEND and being open to have healthier interpersonal relationships. Also, being more accepting of all the things in the past and give it up that I can NOT change what has happened but to continue to better myself for it!

5. Reading more, having a faster turn around for reviews, and keeping up with my blog more. Maybe even start a book club? I love Dog-eared used books (dogearedusedbooks.com), a local independent used book store, and may hook up with them for a club! I want to though, feature them on my blog and take some photos!

6. Volunteer in the community more with Emma and getting her into Girl Scouts. I feel so much of her time outside the home is school and therapies, she needs more, I don't want to see productive because school and therapies are productive, socially productive time. This also includes doing more for Child Abuse prevention right here in my community.

7. Do more activities with my daughter. Library, parks, crafts, etc.

8. Getting Emma potty trained and out of her wheelchair!

9. Fix myself up more. I rarely wear makeup, style my hair or get dressed up. I need to do that more. Just for me.

10. Last but not least.. no more slacking on housework!

Oh wait, one more.

11. Get out more. I spend so much time at home, work and school is starting up later in January, I need more social time. Seriously. Also, included will be getting back home to visit family and friends more. I also add in the Shaken Baby Conference in September as part of my resolution.

Fundraising site for Emma's bike!

This is the widget that will connect over to paypal in which any funds that come in will go DIRECTLY to Freedom Concepts, the manufacturer of the bike. I will not see a penny, it goes right in to Emma's bike account. Once the full amount is raised, then the bike will be built and shipped to Emma. I love the Widget, it shows the progress. You can also remain anonymous. It's GREAT!




Below is the link to the site, just copy and paste to your browser so you can read more!
http://freedomconcepts.chipin.com/emma

Thank you! We know times are tough for everybody, even if you can forward to link to your readers, family, friends, and such, that would help so much. I am starting a new job on Monday, the 30th, so I won't be able to contribute for a few weeks and then not again until my tax refund has been sent to me. Then whatever is left at that time on the balance towards the bike, my tax refund should cover it! Will make a great Spring time gift for Emma!

Take the Pledge to Help Stop the Spread of Germs

Take the Pledge to Help Stop the Spread of Germs: "Pledge today at wetones.com to help keep your family and community healthy this cold and flu season. You'll get a valuable coupon and we'll provide a donation to The Kids In Need Foundation for the first 100,000 pledges submitted!"

Bikes!

Too make a long story short, Emma was born a happy, healthy normal baby until she suffered a horrific act of child abuse called "Shaken Baby Syndrome" (SBS). Emma suffered SBS with a blunt force trauma. She was in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit for one month following major brain surgery in which a portion of her brain had to be removed, part of her skull removed, a shunt placed to keep fluid off of her brain, and just overall recovery. After the month long stay, she was moved to the Neurological Rehabilitation Unit for another month in which she endured grueling physical, occupation and speech therapies. She had to learn to eat again, to sit up again, to smile, and regain all she had lost. She ended up being put on a feeding tube as she wasn't intaking enough calories and she was inhaling most of her fluids which put her at risk for pneumonia and other lung issues. She wore a helmet, a leg brace, an arm brace and had issues with her vision due to the brain damage.

Now 5 years later, she is just starting to walk, she has cerebral palsy on the left side of her body, she is cognitively delayed, speech delayed, and no longer wears a helmet after having major surgery this last July.

One issue we have is that due to her Cerebral Palsy, she can not walk very fast. Which means not enough cardio. The best way to get that heart beating is riding a bicycle! Today we were fitted for a bicycle along with several other special needs kids. These bikes are adapted for each child's different disabilities. These bikes, however, are not covered by insurance and are very expensive. We are going to do some fundraising activities so that all the children can own a bike and lead independent lives. These bikes, as I said, are expensive. However, they will last many years, to adulthood with changing a few things (seat, handle bars, etc) in the future. I am also going to call on those in the Blogosphere for help! This is going to be Emma's Christmas gift. Since I have been unemployed, I just don't have the money. I start a job at the end of November and hope I can come up with $500.

$1 will go soooo far in this quest. Let's say through the internet we raise enough to buy Emma's bike and THEN some, the left over money will go to the pot for other kids. I am brainstorming right now.

The company that makes the bikes is going to email me the estimate and a link to set up a page for Emma for donations. I am so excited. If I can get her this bike, it will be such an AMAZING gift for her. Hours upon hours of happiness. The chance to join other kids outside, to be independent, and just be happy. Most of the kids with disabilities don't get a chance to play with other kids because their free time is spent on therapies (Physical, speech, occupational), doctors, and just to do a normal activity takes much longer. They spend so much of their time working.

I just hope that when I get the link that I can ask you all to pass it around. Like I said, $1 will be sooo huge!!!!

Earn giftcards and more!

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Click on the banner above to learn more and sign up!

Some day..

Good will overcome evil. Until then, I want to push this video to the forefront. A reminder of a life so beautiful, crushed and then rebounding stronger then ever.

It shall never be forgotten that it is NEVER, under ANY circumstance, OKAY TO SHAKE A BABY!!!!!!!!!!! Shaking a baby shatters lives. Many many lives. I can't stress how much pain we have gone through watching all that Emma has had to endure. So much pain... it still hurts each and every single day to see the damages shaken baby syndrome has caused to my sweet, perfect Emma....

"The only thing necessary for evil to thrive is for good men of conscience to do nothing'"
Edmund Burke

Never forget to be a good citizen, child abuse affects each and every person on our planet. If you suspect ANYTHING call call CALL! Don't say "I don't want to be involved!" Why? If you turn a blind eye and don't protect a child/the elderly/the disabled/our neighbors.. you are just as culpable as the person committing the crime! This has to end.. NOW! Be a good neighbor.

Always remember.. somebody somewhere is fighting a bigger battle then you know. A kind smile, a hello, how are you, or can I help you can go a long, long, long way in somebody's life.... Pay it forward. Kindness, goodness, love, and compassion. We are capable of it. I know it. I know we can be good again. I know I am not perfect, I don't even pretend to be, I am working so hard on being kinder, gentler, and more understanding, compassionate, and loving. We can do it.. just one person can make a huge impact. With the economy, the healthcare and unrest in our world, we are people under stress and uncertainty but there are people dying of hunger who would give anything to have some rice. Some are lonely and would love a hug...

Wow.. how did I get on THAT soapbox?

Throw me some ideas. What can we do? What will YOU do?

I will think of something to do. I am going to keep my eyes open... there is a senior apartment complex near by. Maybe I can make something for somebody and leave a random "just because" gift.

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Seriously...

How much cuter can you get? She is such a happy little thing. My big first grader. Sighh...

The time has come...

The time has come where Emma is starting to be more and more aware of the things that are happening to her, about things that have happened to her and why she is "different".

She talks about her most recent surgery. She knows her head was fixed, although I am not exactly sure what her comprehension level is but she understands. I think more so then I give her credit for. So, today, I was looking at the photos I have of her from a few days after her head injury and her recovery. First she said "Oohhh poor baby! She's sick!". Then she noticed me in the other photos with "the sick baby" and she asked me "what's the baby's name?". I said "Emma". She said "like me?". "No, baby, that IS you. That is you when you were a baby and you had a head injury". (I have told her several times that she had a head injury.). She then asked me a loaded question. "Why?". I just looked at her with my jaw dropped, and tears pooling in my eyes and said "I don't know the answer just yet".

How does a mother look her daughter in her eyes and say "You were abused. You were a normal, healthy, bouncing beautiful baby and you were shaken. Your brain was murdered and your "normal" life was stolen. You were shaken and I can't tell you why because the person who did this will NEVER admit to doing it, let alone why". I don't want to lie to her, but how do you tell your child the truth, when this will be a painful truth. I am not ready to answer this, I need to wait until I think she is ready and can understand the impact of the answer. However, who am I to decide WHEN she is ready? How do I tell her? Is there any way in this world to lessen the heartache? Isn't that what a mom is supposed to do- make the heartache go away, kiss the boo-boo's goodbye?

It boils down to... I don't want to hurt her, but I don't want to lie to her because that will be more painful.

Bah. I am rambling. Remember.. it's NEVER ok to shake a baby!

September 2010, is the 11th International Conference on Shaken Baby Syndrome and it's in Atlanta Georgia this round. I have never been able to attend and I really, really hope I can this time. There are events and special rates for survivors and their families (and families of non-survivors). I am just hoping financially I can swing it. If you know anybody who wants to sponsor a struggling momma raising a child suffering from Shaken Impact Syndrome while going to college, let me know! LOL. Or better yet, let them know! Just kidding, but actually, not really. LOL. I am saving up and hoping to score a job on campus next semester for Work Study, I think that will be easier then working off campus. I really am wanting to go. It's a year away and will allow me time to be able to save up. I am nervous taking Emma on a trip like this, but it may not be as bad as I think. Either ways... Atlanta 2010 HERE WE COME! I just really, really want Emma to start meeting other children who are JUST LIKE HER! To know, she is not alone.

Here's the link to the conference and also, it's a GREAT site with a wealth of information about Shaken Baby Syndrome. National Center on Shaken Baby Syndrome

NEVER Shake a Baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today is a very very sad day. Too many babies are being shaken, some die, many have profound disabilities and some come out with minor disabilities. Why is today extra sad? I just learned that my friend, whom I met through a Shaken Baby Syndrome Support Group, lost her son today. When he was a newborn he was shaken so severely that he was left severely disabled. Today he was a 7th grader. He never learned to walk, talk, and was blind. His basic life was stolen from him as a baby and today, he is gone for good.

This is a strong reminder.. NEVER under any circumstance SHAKE A BABY!!!! Just walk away.

I am in a VERY bad mood right now. I am pissed off at another injustice in this world. He didn't deserve this, his mother didn't deserve this and NO BABY deserves this. His death hits very close to home, we never physically met but over the last 4 years I was able to call his mother friend and I thought of TJ quite often. What should be a joyous time in their lives is now tragedy.

A bloody travesty.

Mmmm Cookies!

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Head on over to her blog to enter!
http://www.kitchen.amoores.com/2009/08/09/pilsbury-simplytm-cookies-review-giveaway/

Once again, reminiscing

(6 months old, before injury)

Looks like you have to click on the photos if you want to see them, they are too big for the blog :(
I am. See, I never wanted kids. So when I found out I was pregnant with Emma (despite all the precautions I took), I had planned to give her up for adoption. I was spoiled rotten, I was flighty, irresponsible, not the most patient and loved kids, but for a little while (liked to send them home after I spoiled them). However, when I had her, I fell in love with her and made her a promise. If I felt I couldn't handle her at any moment and couldn't find it in myself to give her what she needed, then I would go back to the adoption agency and give her what I physically and emotionally can't. Obviously, we know what happened :) I have to say, I am proud of myself. I fell head over heels in love with this little girl and am impressed with the direction my life went since I had her.

I am just reminiscing about what she has gone through over the last 5 years and am in jaw dropping awe and the resiliency she has endured. At 11 months of age, she suffered a brutal act of child abuse, Shaken Baby Syndrome with Impact, and had part of her skull and brain removed to save her life. She had to undergo several procedures. She suffered serious brain damage and a stroke and nobody knew if she would ever be anything more then a vegetable. She ended up spending a total of 4 weeks in Pediatric Intensive Care and another 4 weeks in neurological rehab, spending most of her days in therapy. She had to have a feeding tube, wear a helmet, leg and arm braces. She had to learn to sit up, eat, use her arms, hands and legs again. Even smiling. She had to learn to smile again. I lived with her in the hospital. Read to her while she was in a coma. Read to her while she was so exhausted from therapy. I like to think that reading to her is part of what saved her :)
3 days after injury and surgery
(about 15 days after injury)
I had a hard time accepting what happened to her, I went through a huge state of denial believing the person's story that it was an accident. See, believing it was an accident made it easier to deal with my child. I didn't want to think that somebody really picked up my child, shook her and slammed. However, the truth came around. And the anger and sadness helped me heal which in turn helped Emma.
(7 months old, before injury)

Now, that the person has been convicted of Child Abuse and Emma had her skull finally repaired, on July 16th of this year, we have closure. Literally and figuratively. Emma each and every day has shocked me. She is such a smart, loving, incredible, albeit FEISTY child.